I've fallen into a massive hole. It's quite dark here and I'm a little unsure of how to get out, or whether I want to. I might just want to stay here. But it might not be a good idea.
Sometimes I get like this. When I don't really want to deal with anything, and all I want to do is read young adult fiction, preferably lots of books in a serie, a fantasy world completely other from my life and where exciting things happen. Exciting things I can feel a part of, but have no responsibility in. I can just be a passenger on a journey and take it all in.
Fictional worlds are wonderful places. And it's where I want to spend my days at the moment. It's cold here, I have a lot on my plate and I don't really particularly feel like I can handle it all.
For some reason I am a person who's generally very much in charge, on top of things, organised and I make stuff happen. I like things to go my way and I will go through plenty of effort to make sure things do go my way.
But making things go your way is quite a lot of work. And I think sometimes my energy to make stuff happen my way is just gone. I just want to flip the switch and become a passive person.
I want to be a tourist in my life, I want to pay lots of money to make someone else do the planning and organising and I just want be taken on a journey.
I still want stuff to happen. I just don't want to be the one to make them happen right now.
I want to be warm and sleep in the middle of the day and let my brain reside in a world of Shadowhunters or Divergents or Grigori. I don't want to make my lunch. I don't want to do my work. I don't want to cook dinners. I don't want to go to the supermarket. I don't want to be the mum. I want to be the kid.
I want to be a kid.
But I'm 33.
I know this feeling won't last forever. Soon I'll want to be in charge again. But not right now. Right now I just want to curl up and hit the pause button while I devour one book after another until I feel recharged.
I think books are my power charger. And I just need to spend enough time plugged into books until I am 100% again.
I think I'm at about 17% right now. Got some more reading to do. I am going to slack off for a few more days. Screw the house work. Screw the feeling in my stomach that says I have so many things to do.
I am enjoying my books. I feel like I might even read enough to want to write again. Write fiction again. It's tantalising. There's ideas brewing my my creative brain.
There are sentences popping up in my head that I want to chase and pin down with words on a screen. Who knows what'll happen next.
Sometimes I get like this. When I don't really want to deal with anything, and all I want to do is read young adult fiction, preferably lots of books in a serie, a fantasy world completely other from my life and where exciting things happen. Exciting things I can feel a part of, but have no responsibility in. I can just be a passenger on a journey and take it all in.
Fictional worlds are wonderful places. And it's where I want to spend my days at the moment. It's cold here, I have a lot on my plate and I don't really particularly feel like I can handle it all.
For some reason I am a person who's generally very much in charge, on top of things, organised and I make stuff happen. I like things to go my way and I will go through plenty of effort to make sure things do go my way.
But making things go your way is quite a lot of work. And I think sometimes my energy to make stuff happen my way is just gone. I just want to flip the switch and become a passive person.
I want to be a tourist in my life, I want to pay lots of money to make someone else do the planning and organising and I just want be taken on a journey.
I still want stuff to happen. I just don't want to be the one to make them happen right now.
I want to be warm and sleep in the middle of the day and let my brain reside in a world of Shadowhunters or Divergents or Grigori. I don't want to make my lunch. I don't want to do my work. I don't want to cook dinners. I don't want to go to the supermarket. I don't want to be the mum. I want to be the kid.
I want to be a kid.
But I'm 33.
I know this feeling won't last forever. Soon I'll want to be in charge again. But not right now. Right now I just want to curl up and hit the pause button while I devour one book after another until I feel recharged.
I think books are my power charger. And I just need to spend enough time plugged into books until I am 100% again.
I think I'm at about 17% right now. Got some more reading to do. I am going to slack off for a few more days. Screw the house work. Screw the feeling in my stomach that says I have so many things to do.
I am enjoying my books. I feel like I might even read enough to want to write again. Write fiction again. It's tantalising. There's ideas brewing my my creative brain.
There are sentences popping up in my head that I want to chase and pin down with words on a screen. Who knows what'll happen next.
